Part 4. Signs of Dysregulation in Young Children

Every child’s nervous system is designed to move between activation and calm — like the ebb and flow of the tide. But when stress becomes too much or safety feels uncertain, the body can’t find its way back to calm on its own. This state is called dysregulation — a temporary loss of balance between safety and stress. Children rarely say, “I feel unsafe” or “I’m dysregulated.” Instead, their bodies speak for them through behavior, breath, posture, and emotion.

HOW DYSREGULATION LOOKS

What adults often label as “tantrums,” “clinginess,” or “bad behavior” are, in truth, messages from a nervous system asking for safety. These signs can include:

🔹Sudden tears or meltdowns

🔹Hyperactivity, impulsivity, or aggression

🔹Withdrawal, zoning out, or “checking out”

🔹Trouble sleeping or frequent night waking

🔹Stomachaches, constipation, or loss of appetite

🔹Clinging, anxiety, or fear of separation

Each of these is the body’s way of saying:

“I don’t feel safe right now — help me find calm again.”

WHAT CHILDREN NEED MOST

In dysregulation, words often don’t reach the child — but your tone, your breath, and your touch do. Your nervous system becomes their anchor. When you stay calm and grounded, your body tells theirs: "It’s safe to relax."

Over time, your steady presence helps their vagus nerve learn the rhythm of recovery — how to return to balance after stress. This is the essence of co-regulation, and it builds emotional resilience for life.

TRY THIS

When your child spirals — cries, yells, or shuts down — pause before fixing or correcting. 

🔸 Kneel down to their level, soften your gaze, and take one slow, deep breath. 

🔸Let them see and feel your calm.

🔸Then say gently: “I see you. I’m here.”

You don’t need to stop the storm — just be the calm within it. Your steady presence is the signal their body needs most.

💡 DID YOU KNOW?

The vagus nerve acts like a messenger between the brain, heart, lungs, and gut — constantly scanning for cues of safety or danger. When a child experiences calm, warm connection with a caregiver, their ventral vagal system activates — releasing oxytocin (the bonding hormone) and lowering cortisol (the stress hormone). This biological shift helps the body return to balance more quickly, strengthening resilience and emotional regulation. In essence, your calm nervous system teaches your child’s body how to rest and recover.

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Stay tuned for Part 5: The Healing Power of Rhythm, Touch, and Sound